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50 Best Jew Jokes Ever
What’s the definition of a queer Jew?
Someone that likes girls more than money.
What’s the difference between a boy scout and a jew?
A boy scout comes back from his camp.
Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward?
They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
Why were gentiles invented?
Somebody has to pay retail.
What’s the best way to get a Jewish girls number?
Roll up her sleeve.
What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
What did the Jewish peadophile say to the child?
“Wanna buy some candy?”
What do you call someone from Israel that has to sneeze?
Why do Jewish men have to be circumcised?
Because a Jewish women wont touch anything unless it’s 20% off.
Why do jews wear yamakas?
Half of a hat, its cheaper.
What do you call a potato that picks on Jews?
Why don’t people mug Jews on Yom Kippur?
Did you hear about the Jewish troll?
His name was Rumpled Foreskin.
Why didn’t Anne Frank finish her diary?
She needed more concentration.
What is the difference between a crucifixion and a circumcision?
In a crucifixion, they throw out the whole Jew.
Why do Jews have big noses?
Because the air is free.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He opened his gas bill.
How do you say FUCK YOU in Jewish?
How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
He installs a parking meter on the roof.
Best Jew Jokes
Jewish women don’t like the 69 position because it’s too close to the gas chamber.
Did you hear about the new tires, Firestein?
They not only stop on a dime, they also pick it up!
What is a jews least favorite hotdog topping?
How do you find the Jews in your neighborhood?
Roll a penny down the road.
What do you call a Jewish knight?
What’s the difference between Santa and a Jew?
Santa goes down the chimney.
What would you call a bloodthirsty Jew on a rampage?
What goes faster than a speeding bullet?
A jew with a coupon.
Would you believe the Flinstones were Jewish?
Yabba Dabba Jew!
What do you call gingers in Auschwitz?
Concentrated orange Jews.
Why is money green?
Because Jews pick it before it is ripe!
Jewish people are the most optimistic people in the world.
They have some cut off before they even know how big it will get.
A “C” student with a Jewish mother.
In the Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human?
When it graduates from med school.
What do you call an Asian Jew?
Jew Wa Lee (Julie).
What is the proper blessing to recite before logging on to the Internet?
“Modem anachnu loch”.
Who was the most well known Jewish cook?
Did you hear about the new facility Kraft Foods is building in Israel?
It’s called “Cheeses of Nazareth.
What do you call the steaks ordered by ten Jewish men?
Where does Moshe hide money from his wife Sadie?
Under the vacuum cleaner.
What does a Jewish pirate say?
How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?
When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.
Why did the Jew soundproof his house?
So his kids couldn’t hear the ice cream truck.
Did you hear about the new jewish tire coming out this summer?
It not only stops you on a dime but it picks it up too.
A Jew walks in to a wall with a boner. What hits first?
How does Moses make his tea?
I’m serious. That Israeli how he does it.
Did you hear about the Jewish ATM?
When you take out some money, it says to you, what did you do with the last $50 I gave you?
One day a Jewish grandmother had taken her grandson to the beach for a play when suddenly a huge wave washed over the infant and pulled him out to sea.
The distraught grandmother fell down on her knees, and sobbed, “Please God, don’t let my grandson die, please, he is my only grandson! He is the future of my family, please return him to me safely!”
Instantly another huge wave rolls the infant back onto the beach and the grandmother looks up to the sky and said, “He had a hat!”