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80+Best Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes of All Time
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Chuck Norris can squeeze apple juice out of a banana.
A blind man ran into Chuck Norris and got his sight back. Unfortunately, the first and last thing he saw was a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Noris is the reason Burger King says “Have it your way”.
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.
Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Unlike Everyone else who has “Beware of Dog” signs in their yards, Chuck Norris’ dog has a “Beware of Chuck Norris” sign in front of his dog house.
Chuck Norris can sit at the corner of a round table.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck’s gas tank as a joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
Funny Chuck Norris Jokes
When Chuck Norris enters into a courtroom, the judge stands up.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake. After three days of pain and agony, the rattle snake died.
Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling “Bang!”.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris teaches math to solve its own problems.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris dropped the apple on Isaac Newtons Head.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby. First on Hiroshima, then on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris does not sleep; he waits.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris can teach an old dog new tricks, and teach a new dog old tricks.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody
crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.
Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.
Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number; you answer the wrong phone.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever!
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type “Chuck Norris” into Google and hit “I’m Feeling Lucky!”.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game – with a golf ball.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Mike Tyson chipped a tooth on Chuck Norris’ ear.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Last 20 Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris bought his car with monopoly money.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one Chuck Norris.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris stared at the sun, the sun went blind.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
Chuck Norris doesn’t brush his teeth. He points his fist at his mouth and the plaque jumps out.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
When Chuck Norris works out he doesn’t get stronger, the machine does.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.
Before he forgot to give Chuck Norris a present, Santa Clause was real.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
There’s a 99.9% chance, Chuck Norris is your biological father.
Chuck Norris can hear his phone ring on silent.
A Chuck Norris action figure has slept with more women than you.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris CAN understand women.
Chuck Norris drew a triangle with four sides.
Chuck Norris never hides, he only seeks.
Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies, As The Force.